


go beyond those clouds in the sky to a place that’s alive

by NinthFeather



Category: Critical Role (Web Series), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: (or interdimensional cultural differences but you get the idea), Alchemy, Alien Cultural Differences, Angst and Humor, Caleb Widogast's Backstory, Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Crossover, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Misunderstandings, basically at this point i'm just playing around
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26804641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinthFeather/pseuds/NinthFeather
Summary: Sometimes you flub a teleportation spell and end up in a different dimension where no one's ever seen a spell before but alchemy still looks like transmutation magic. That's just life.Or maybe this kind of thing only happens to the Mighty Nein.
Relationships: Alphonse Elric & Edward Elric
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	go beyond those clouds in the sky to a place that’s alive

**Author's Note:**

> Happy FMA Day, have a crossover! 
> 
> This is set vaguely between CR2 eps 87-97, so no one is being mind-controlled, and while everyone knows that Veth was originally a halfling, she is still goblin-shaped. In terms of Brotherhood, it's set very vaguely in the first half of the series, before Mustang's team is broken up by Bradley.
> 
> Title is from geekfandubs's English translyrics for the FMAB opening "Hologram." I can no longer link the original video, since Youtube removed it, but there's a reupload [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5QlPDGmaNs) and her channel is [here](https://www.youtube.com/user/geekyfandubs).
> 
> Part 2 of this fic is mostly written, so this fic will be finished, but I wouldn't expect fast uploading speeds given....everything. Thanks so much to [FabHawk](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabHawk/pseuds/FabHawk) for beta-ing!
> 
> Extra warnings in the end note if you need them.

The teleportation spell didn’t set them down in Yussa’s basement, as expected, or even in any of the other places that Caleb has sigils. Instead, they found themselves in a wholly unfamiliar alley, paved with cobblestone. Moreover, when Caleb looked around in panic, Beau, Fjord, and Caduceus were nowhere to be seen.

“Oh schiesse,” Caleb cursed.

Nott got out her copper wire. “Fjord, where the flying fjuck are you?” she demanded. “You can reply to this message!”

She listened, intently, for a moment.

“Nothing,” she said. “Jester, you try.”

“Hey, Fjord, we’re...we don’t know where we are actually, but it looks like an alley, and please let us know if you know where you are because this is not Yussa’s basement, okay?” Jester said.

“Jester, that was definitely too many words,” Caleb said quietly.

After a moment, she said, “Well, he doesn’t know where he is either, but he says he’s figuring it out. And he said ‘we,’ so he isn’t alone.”

“Hopefully, they’re all still together,” Yasha said.

“Do you think I should talk to Beau or Caduceus to make sure?” Jester asked.

“No, it’s better to save your Sendings, just in case,” Yasha said. “We may need them later.”

Caleb was preoccupied with looking around the alley for information about what might’ve caused his spell to take them there. “I have no idea what went wrong, I cast the spell in the normal manner and used all the usual components—”

“No use focusing on it now,” Yasha interrupted.

“She’s right!” Jester agreed. “Let’s figure out where we are, and find the others, and then we can worry about the spell, okay?”

Caleb really thought they were taking this all too lightly, but they had a point about prioritizing the search for the others.

“Uh, guys, we…might have a problem,” Nott said from the mouth of the alley.

The others joined her, and Caleb found himself agreeing as he looked out at streets clogged with blond, pale-skinned humans. He would have difficulty blending in here, and the others? No chance.

“Are there cities in the Empire like this?” Yasha asked.

“None that I have visited,” Caleb said. “But I was not that well-traveled before I joined you all. Beau might have a better idea of where we are, being a member of the Cobalt Soul.”

“You think disguises would help?” Nott asked, strangely eager.

“I think we may attract too much attention, as we are,” Caleb said. “So…perhaps.”

Jester opened her mouth to say something, and then, suddenly, a young voice shouted. “I told you I heard something!”

Yasha drew her sword as a young boy wearing black and red ran at them from the other end of the alley, with an iron golem at his heels.

“I don’t know what you people want with us but I’m not just going to let you hang around in basements and do human sacrifices—” the boy yelled.

Caleb spared a few precious seconds to review his spotty memory and ensure that he hadn’t at some point participated in some sort of human sacrifice ritual at Ikithon’s behest during his training. If he had, Ikithon had locked the memory away deeper than that of murdering his parents.

Nott and Jester had certainly taken part in no such thing, and if Yasha had, it had not been of her own volition.

Thus, this was likely either a misunderstanding or a case of mistaken identity.

He said a few words, put up a hand, and cast Slow on the boy before this could escalate.

The boy went from running full-tilt to looking as if he was moving through quicksand. He shrieked in surprised anger, then cursed.

Jester, who had gotten out the Traveler’s symbol and looked like she was readying some sort of spell, dissolved into giggles.

“What did you do?” the boy demanded, still attempting to move toward Yasha. His slowed movements made the efforts look...comical, at best. “What is this?”

“I cast Slow on you?” Caleb replied, confused.

“Cast?” the boy echoed.

“Like, magic?” another, higher voice asked.

It took Caleb a few seconds to realize it was coming from the golem.

Suddenly, Nott was on his shoulders. “Holy sh*t, a talking golem!”

“Who created you?” Caleb asked, torn between horror and fascination.

Golems didn’t talk. They couldn’t. If this boy knew its creator…he desperately wanted to talk to them. It wasn’t exactly the same as the magic Nott was interested in, but it was close enough to be useful.

“He’s not a golem, he’s my brother,” the boy snapped. “And what do you mean, magic?”

“Your brother?” Jester asked. “Do you mean, like, half-brother? Because, uh, you don’t look related.”

The boy glared as he stood up, dusting himself off. “We’re brothers. None of your business how related we look.”

The golem stood up, then held up its hands in a placating manner. What an incredibly human gesture!

“Uh, I used to look more like him, but there was an accident,” it—no, he said. 

Caleb’s previous curiosity was replaced with horror as he felt Nott tense on his shoulders.

“That is…quite an accident, for someone who claims to be unfamiliar with magic,” he said carefully.

“It was more of an alchemy thing, actually,” the boy said.

“How the h*ll did alchemy do that?” Nott demanded, gesturing so broadly that she thwacked Caleb soundly over the head. “I mean, I’ve almost gotten blown up once or twice, but—”

“You’re an alchemist?” the boy asked. “Is that why you look like—”

“Oh, no, no, my husband’s the alchemist, I’ve just picked up things here and there,” Nott said quickly. Always so quick to dismiss her abilities. “And, uhhh, have you not seen a goblin before?”

“Goblin?” the boy repeated. “Like, the things in fairy tales?”

“They—we do actually exist,” Nott said.

“Never heard of ‘em being real ‘til now,” the boy said stubbornly. “Next you’ll tell me the girl’s some sort of fairy and not a chimera.”

“Excuuuuse you, I’m a tiefling!” Jester said. “Do I look like I have three heads?”

“I think we’re talking past each other,” the boy said. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’m really curious.”

“Brother, please don’t—”

“Come back to our hotel room with us, answer our questions, and we’ll buy you food,” the boy announced.

“Brother, no,” the not-golem said, despairing.

“You’re kidding, right?” Nott asked. “We could be serial killers, for all you know.”

“My luck isn’t quite bad enough for two in as many months,” the boy said.

“Two…serial killers?” Nott asked.

“Yeah, Scar nearly got me a while ago,” the boy said, with a small, nervous laugh. “Not a fun time. You guys seem less bloodthirsty; I figure my odds are decent.”

“Are we supposed to know who that is?” Jester asked.

“Seriously?” Nott shrilled.

“A map,” Yasha said. Everyone turned to look at her. “We want a map of the city. Some of our friends are also here, and we don’t know how to find them.”

“And also the story with the serial killer,” Jester added. “And food. Maybe pastries if you have them?”

The boy glanced at the not-golem, who made a show of folding his arms and turning away. If you put aside his height, the not-golem’s voice and actions came off as disconcertingly…young. Caleb wanted to know more.

“Yeah, sure,” the boy said. “C’mon, Al, it’ll be fun.”

“Brother, you’re being stupid,” the not-golem—Al?—insisted.

“Yeah, but, c’mon, aren’t you curious too?”

“…. Maybe a little.”

“Right,” the boy said. “My name’s Edward Elric. This is my brother Al. Let’s go get you some food. Uhhhhh…maybe put the sword away before we go out in the street?”

Yasha nodded.

“My name is Jester Lavorre!” Jester said. “And that’s Yasha, and Nott the Brave, and Caleb!” she added, pointing them each out in turn. “We’re, like, half-ish of the Mighty Nein!”

Ed looked confused. “What’s a ‘mighty nine’?”

“No, no, you’re pronouncing it wrong…”

* * *

There was a seven-foot-tall cow-human chimera with pink hair wearing fantasy-style plate armor standing in Roy Mustang’s office. Standing next to him was a green-skinned man with several facial scars, dressed in leather armor. The two of them made the dark-skinned woman in elaborate Xingese-style silks look positively normal.

The cow chimera stared at Mustang with placid eyes. “You are not Yussa Errenis,” he said.

“I have no idea who that is,” Roy replied, confused enough to be absolutely straightforward.

“No sh*t he’s not Yussa,” the woman said. “Does he f*cking look like an elf?” She wheeled around and caught Roy by the collar, lifting him off the ground one-handed. “Who the h*ll are you?”

“C-colonel Roy Mustang,” Roy managed. “Eastern Command. Amestrian Army.”

The woman dropped him back into his chair. Mustang resisted the urge to adjust his collar.

“Well that tells us f*ck-all,” she said. “I’ve never even heard of Amestria—"

“Amestris,” Roy corrected absently.

“Whatever, point is, I don’t know where we are,” the woman said.

The green man had his head cocked to one side. “Let us know if we know what? Never mind. We’re in an office and we’re figurin’ out where we are. We’ll find you.”

“Amestris,” Roy repeated.

“So, Jester’s around here someplace,” the woman said.

“Yeah, and she doesn’t know where she is either,” the green-skinned man said.

“Wonderful,” the woman said. She turned to Roy again. “Okay, sure, this is Amestris or whatever. Where’s that compared to Nicodranas?”

“I have no idea,” Roy said. “Let me go out into the other part of the office and get some maps; maybe you could show me where it is?”

“He’s gonna yell for help,” the woman said.

“Oh, definitely,” the chimera agreed.

“Do I need to yell for help?” Roy asked.

“Well, I don’t think so, but you still look pretty nervous,” the chimera said.

“She did threaten me,” Roy pointed out.

“I’m sure she’s very sorry,” the chimera said. “I really do think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot. You said your name was, uh, Roy Mustang, right?”

“Yes,” Roy said.

“Nice to meet you, Roy,” the chimera said. He smiled, which was probably supposed to be comforting, but in truth it just drew attention to how his mouth and nose were somewhere between a human’s and a cow’s, and made Roy extremely uncomfortable. “My name is Caduceus Clay, cleric of the Wildmother. These are my….hmm, my adventuring party? Yes, I like that. My adventuring party, or at least part of it. Beauregard, and Fjord.” He gestured in turn to the woman and the green-skinned man.

“Yeah, what he said,” Beauregard said. “I’m an Expositor of the Cobalt Soul, if that carries any weight around here?”

“It might, if I was familiar with that title or that organization,” Roy said.

“Seriously?” Beauregard said, looking frustrated.

“I would like the chance to….become familiar,” Roy ventured, soaking the words in implication. A little charm can’t hurt, right?

To his surprise, Beauregard just glared.

Sighing inwardly, Roy tried another approach. “If you can trust me not to set off an alarm, we really might benefit from checking over a few maps,” he said. “I think you might be more lost than you think.”

Both Caduceus and Beau looked toward Fjord, who quickly schooled his expression before saying, “Fine,” in a way that was probably meant to sound authoritative.

This was definitely his first time in charge, poor man.

Roy walked over to the door, threw it open, and asked, “Who’s got the maps?”

“I do, sir, but why—” Fuery started.

“Colonel, why are there people in your office?” Riza asked.

“More importantly, how are they in your office, when they never walked through here?” Breda asked.

“That’s part of the mystery we’re currently trying to solve!” Roy said. “So, maps!”

He could feel Riza trying to glare a hole in his head already.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Discussion of Caleb's backstory and Ed's encounter with Scar, as well as some references to FMA-typical body/existential horror.
> 
> Please don't discuss recent CR episodes in the comments if you decide to leave me a review; I'm...embarrassingly behind. Like, I don't know what happened with Travelercon yet. I'll catch up soon, I promise.
> 
> In the meantime, thanks for reading!


End file.
